A Report on Lee's Situation
About a month ago I switched from teaching to editing/writing numerous school publications. The main problem on the teaching front was that my students were getting more and more difficult to control, I felt I was getting less and less done, and I was given very little help from the school. Our school Director wasn’t happy, she called me in, and we had a long, frank conversation about things. I basically said I could TRY to do better but that I was pretty much burnt-out and felt I simply lacked the skill or the strength to get things back in line. In the end, however, things worked out pretty well. We were already overstaffed, while the school desperately needed help with various publications, the quality of which were distressingly low.
In one sense, of course, all of this is sad. I don't like the idea of quitting the classroom when there was only a month and a half left. However, I felt SO incredibly relieved when we agreed to this that I realized it really was for the best. I could have stuck it out a few more weeks, but I wouldn't have felt good about what I was doing. I don't know if it's because it's spring, or because we had gone so long without a vacation, or because the end of the school year is in sight, but the kids have been very difficult lately—and not just for me: even teachers that have kept firm control of their classrooms have been having problems lately. Another American teacher actually threw five kids out, said they had F's for the course, and that he didn't want to see them anymore. (Now why didn’t I think of that?)
I should note at this point that I had actually been getting along well with my kids. Most of them like me—and several of them have told me that they miss me a lot (one girl even said I had been her best teacher—sigh....)—but the problem was too many of them simply didn't take me seriously enough in terms of classroom discipline. For them, however, it was nothing personal, and I don't think they realized how much it bothered me because I didn't shout or get very angry like several of their other teachers. This was a cultural difference that really undermined me: because the kids were used to people screaming at them (and because even the screaming made an only moderate impression on them) they found it difficult to believe I was serious because I didn't shout and I didn't get angry.
Once, in 11C, which was maybe my favorite class (though they were difficult), I DID get angry and shouted at a couple students and a third student smiled up at me and said, "Mr. Lee, you're a very good actor!" At that point I couldn't help but throw up my hands in exasperation and laugh, "I'm NOT acting!!!”
I guess I just wasn't that convincing.
I’ve also realized that, if I’m going to teach High School anymore, I REALLY need to be careful about the context in which that teaching takes place. I already knew this sort of environment (low skills, high disciplinary problems) was a bad one for me, I just didn't know this was the situation in this school. I ASSUMED a foreign school like this would have far more students who took their education seriously and that behavior issues would be less of a problem than in the States. Unfortunately, this was not true. I did my best, but in the end I just didn't have the experience or willpower or energy to do it. Some days I'd walk into school ready to take care of business, but other days I just couldn't summon the energy to care. It didn't help when I realized I couldn't just crack down for a while until everyone got the message: the way things work here, you ONLY get results WHILE you crack down. The moment you let up, things revert right back into a state of nature. This holds no matter who is in charge.
In any case, this situation was simply not a good fit for me. And yet, it still has been a great experience and I've never regretted—even for a moment—coming here. I’ll cherish the memories of many kids, especially the ones who did the right thing and even tried to help me out. There ARE students at our school who care about learning, who don’t believe that it’s okay to do something simply because you think you can get away with it, and who are unfailingly kind and generous people. I am so thankful for them.
In one sense, of course, all of this is sad. I don't like the idea of quitting the classroom when there was only a month and a half left. However, I felt SO incredibly relieved when we agreed to this that I realized it really was for the best. I could have stuck it out a few more weeks, but I wouldn't have felt good about what I was doing. I don't know if it's because it's spring, or because we had gone so long without a vacation, or because the end of the school year is in sight, but the kids have been very difficult lately—and not just for me: even teachers that have kept firm control of their classrooms have been having problems lately. Another American teacher actually threw five kids out, said they had F's for the course, and that he didn't want to see them anymore. (Now why didn’t I think of that?)
I should note at this point that I had actually been getting along well with my kids. Most of them like me—and several of them have told me that they miss me a lot (one girl even said I had been her best teacher—sigh....)—but the problem was too many of them simply didn't take me seriously enough in terms of classroom discipline. For them, however, it was nothing personal, and I don't think they realized how much it bothered me because I didn't shout or get very angry like several of their other teachers. This was a cultural difference that really undermined me: because the kids were used to people screaming at them (and because even the screaming made an only moderate impression on them) they found it difficult to believe I was serious because I didn't shout and I didn't get angry.
Once, in 11C, which was maybe my favorite class (though they were difficult), I DID get angry and shouted at a couple students and a third student smiled up at me and said, "Mr. Lee, you're a very good actor!" At that point I couldn't help but throw up my hands in exasperation and laugh, "I'm NOT acting!!!”
I guess I just wasn't that convincing.
I’ve also realized that, if I’m going to teach High School anymore, I REALLY need to be careful about the context in which that teaching takes place. I already knew this sort of environment (low skills, high disciplinary problems) was a bad one for me, I just didn't know this was the situation in this school. I ASSUMED a foreign school like this would have far more students who took their education seriously and that behavior issues would be less of a problem than in the States. Unfortunately, this was not true. I did my best, but in the end I just didn't have the experience or willpower or energy to do it. Some days I'd walk into school ready to take care of business, but other days I just couldn't summon the energy to care. It didn't help when I realized I couldn't just crack down for a while until everyone got the message: the way things work here, you ONLY get results WHILE you crack down. The moment you let up, things revert right back into a state of nature. This holds no matter who is in charge.
In any case, this situation was simply not a good fit for me. And yet, it still has been a great experience and I've never regretted—even for a moment—coming here. I’ll cherish the memories of many kids, especially the ones who did the right thing and even tried to help me out. There ARE students at our school who care about learning, who don’t believe that it’s okay to do something simply because you think you can get away with it, and who are unfailingly kind and generous people. I am so thankful for them.
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